Finally
by The Edgy Bubble
Summary: Takes place right after episode 20 - OzxGilbert - Raven works up a new-found sense of confidence to talk to Oz about something that has been on his mind for quite a while...
1. Soft

**Oz x Gilbert**

**Title: **"Soft"

**Note: ****Takes place right after episode 20…..**

**Dislcaimer: I own nothing!!**

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Heavy footsteps unevely travelled back and forth, back and forth, in the dimly lit hallway.

_I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't_

_I will!_

He reached out his hand towards the doorknob, full of new-found confidence… that fizzled away after his skin only barely touched the cold metal.

_I really can't._

He hated being like this. He hated this uncertainty, this fear.

But this other feeling, one that has plagued him for 10 years, he hated even more.

_I just really need to talk to him._

_I wanted to earlier, but I lost my train of thought, and I started cryi-_

He shuddered at the blurry, drunken memory of what happened only a few hours ago.

_God, he really saw me like that._

_I haven't cried like that in front of him in over a decade._

He found some comfort in that far-off memory.

He had always enjoyed looking back to those days…

During those dark and lonely years he spent without the boy behind this door, those memories were all he had… all he could hold on to, to try and forget this darkening world around him.

_And now he's finally back._

_He's finally here again… I can hear his voice now, I can see him, I can touch him…_

He let out a deep sigh, leaning his forehead against the mahogany door in front of him.

It felt really nice and cool against his hot forehead.

He lifted his forearm as a cushion between his face and the door.

His temperature was still up… he must still be drunk.

He didn't care.

Even if he wasn't drunk, he was still plagued by these thoughts.... they never left him alone.

_I finally have him back with me… he's here… _

_I can't… I can't let him ever leave me again without saying this._

His hot hand found the doorknob, slowly turning it.

He childishly hid his face against his arm.

Before he could tell, the door was already swung all the way open, but he was still leaning against it.

"Gil?"

_That voice!_

Raven suddenly stood up straight.

He kept his arm on the door, feeling a little woozy from the sudden movement.

"Oz!" he said a little loudly.

Raven's eyes found Oz sitting in an armchair, curled up with a book, the fireplace crackling dimly.

"You're still up." Raven commented on the obvious, unsure of really what to say.

He had had a whole plan set out of what he was going to say, but his frazzled nerves and blood-alcohol level erased those plans.

"Ah, I've had trouble sleeping for a while now…" Oz commented quietly, closing his little book.

Raven cringed a little at the look on Oz's face.

He looked like he was thinking of some sort of far off land, away from him…

"Oz…" Raven said a little quietly, looking towards the floor, losing his already weak confidence.

"What's the matter, Gil?" Oz asked, sitting up in his chair.

_Why do I love it so much when he calls me that?_

"I-I need to talk to you…" Raven muttered a little, staring at the rug.

He heard Oz chuckle light-heartedly.

Raven immediately looked up… his head feeling a little wobbly.

Oz was out of his seat walking over to Raven.

"What is it now, Gil?" Oz asked playfully, like he was looking down on what Raven was trying so hard to get into words.

"Oz…" Raven said his name again… "Please, please just…"

Raven lifted his other arm to the door, feeling weaker than before.

He remembered this familiar sensation from when he was little.

Every time he got upset or over-anxious, his legs would start to give out.

He felt a small hand land on his shoulder.

He wanted to hold it.

"Gil, are you okay?" Oz's voice was suddenly concerned.

"Oz, please just…" Raven repeated, feeling completely incompetent and shaky. "Just listen to me…" Raven finally said out loud, moved his hand away from the door to grab Oz's fingers.

His other hand fell on Oz's shoulders.

Oz's face was slightly confused.

Raven slumped forward like he had earlier that night, trying to support himself… but failing.

"I really need…" That was all he could say before his knees hit the floor.

He was getting too flustered. He hated it… he hated being out of control like this… but that's what Oz did to him… ever since they were young.

"Hey!" Oz grabbed hold of his shoulders. "You don't look too good, let's get you a seat." Oz helped Raven pick himself up.

They trudged over to one of the armchairs.

Raven practically collapsed into one of them.

"You really can't hold your liquor can you, Gil?"

Oz's sweet laughter rang out… Raven suddenly found his thoughts again.

"Oz… listen to me…" Raven slouched forward. Oz was standing in front of him, his face only a few inches higher than his own.

_When did Oz get so short? _Raven was distracted by that useless question for only a moment.

"Please, take better… better care of yourself." Raven started.

"Yes, you told me before, Gil." Oz spoke up, brushing off his words.

Raven's hands found Oz's shoulder's again, trying to get his attention.

"Gil?"

"If anything happens to you… and I can't be there with you… I- I don't know what I'd do…" Raven could feel his speech pattern revert back to old habits.

He felt even worse when tears threatened the corners of his eyes.

Why did he have to get like this every time…

"I can't lose you again…" Raven found his most important words calmly. "I really can't bear to lose you again… not after I only got you back…"

His eyes started to water a little.

Oz's skinnier shoulders didn't move under his hands.

Raven got a little scared that he said something wrong, but decided to finish what he was saying anyways… before those tears started.

"You said that you wanted to know about those ten years…. I know it only felt like a few days or hours for you… but ten years… ten years… ten... years…" Raven's heart was tightening painfully. "I really missed you… more than anything else of my old life…. I missed you....so... much." He felt a few tears fall. But he couldn't stop talking now that he had already started.

Oz was still standing there, motionless

Raven lifted his head to look at his face.

He hadn't ever seen that look before… not on Oz.

Oz was always somehow cheerful and bright… but right now his eyes were so… pained.

Raven lifted his, rarely ungloved, hand to Oz's face.

His skin was so smooth. Comforting.

"I really missed seeing you, hearing your voice, your laugh… touching you." Raven's fingers reached towards Oz's hair. The golden strands felt soft against his fingertips. "I was always scared… always worried… every day… that you would forget me… wherever you were."

Raven's grip on Oz tightened, pulling him a little closer.

"Gil…" Oz's voice was worried again…

Raven tried not to pay attention.

"I was always scared that you were… happier… wherever you went." Raven admitted those childish fears that had haunted him for so long. "But I kept looking for you… kept hoping that I would be with you again.... Master."

Raven looked into Oz's emerald eyes.

He loved it when they looked only at him.

"And here we are…" Raven could feel a real smile spread on his face.

Raven felt his fingers find their way through Oz's hair, his other hand reached up from Oz's shoulder, landing in the other side of his face.

He rubbed his thumb against Oz's comforting skin.

Everything about him seemed so soft. His skin, his hair, his eyes…

Everything about Oz was what he needed.

The only thing he needed.

Raven's thumb accidentally brushed against Oz's lip for only a moment.

_His lip is so soft._

Raven noticed, almost hypnotized by his curiosity to know more about how soft Oz's lips were.

His thumb revisited Oz's lips again, rubbing agianst both of them, back and forth.

"Gil?" That was all Oz had been saying for a while... but every time he said it, Raven felt so overwhelmed by all the memories attached to that name, and the way Oz always said it.

Right now, all Raven could focus on was how Oz's lips moved agianst his thumb when he said his name.

He loved it.

More than anything else he could think of.

Raven's hand reached farther, to the back of Oz's head, pulling him closer.

His lips really were as soft as Raven has wondered.

They felt so fragile against his.

Raven kissed the unmoving lips, taking in the feeling like it was oxygen…

His heart was beating hard.

Raven's arm reached around Oz's back completely, pulling him closer.

He really needed more of this feeling...

He felt a pair of hands weakly push against his firm chest.

All he could focus on was how Oz's lips were quivering now.

Raven kissed deeper, wanting to feel more, pulling Oz closer to him.

He felt familiar weak forearms lay against his chest.

He was starting to lose his breath.

Raven broke away, still feeling Oz's lingering softness, leaning his forehead onto Oz's shaking shoulder, breathing a little harder.

His eyes felt really dry now that his tears had dried, his eyelids were heavy…

Raven couldn't think of anything else he had wanted to say… anything else he had wanted to do.

He let the darkness take over willingly.

"Gilbert…" On the edge of darkness, he heard his favorite voice call his favorite name… but with a new tone he couldn't recognize…

_Please stay with me Oz…._

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**This might be a one-shot… maybe not, I guess it all depends on the status of my other story, and of course, if any of you guys want another chapter….**

**So, please, review if you do… :)**

**Thank you so much for reading!!!! :D**


	2. Rough

**Chapter 2!**

**Title:**_ "Rough"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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"Gil…" I couldn't say anything else…. There was rarely a time when I couldn't find any words, this was one of those times.

I couldn't think of anything other than his name.

He had gotten so serious.

He looked like he was in so much pain, just saying these things.

… _So what could I possibly say?_

His hand was reaching towards my hair.

His hand was bigger than I expected… I kept forgetting about how different we had become.

"I was always scared that you were… happier… wherever you went." His words were a little slurred, but I could tell that he still meant them. "But I kept looking for you… kept hoping that I would be with you again."

I realized just how much I didn't know about Gil and what he had to go through all those years.

_I would've never thought that he had missed me that much._

_I would've never thought anybody would've missed me._

I looked into his yellow-green eyes that were still slightly glazed over by the alcohol.

He was staring back so intensely…. Gil was never able to look me in the eye that way.

He would always look away from me, like he was ashamed of something…

Something was different now.

"And here we are…" A weak, nostalgic, smile lifted his solemn face a little. His smile wasn't how I remembered it, it wasn't as bright. He never smiled that much anymore. I wanted to lift my hands to his face. To break whatever spell was keeping him from smiling.

Before I could react or say anything, I felt his fingers weave into my hair, his fingertips reaching farther.

I felt his other hand lift from lying heavily on my shoulder to the side of my face.

His hands… I loved the way they felt.

With one of his hands in my hair, the other one curved around my face. It felt like he was holding me.

It was always one of my greatest comforts to be held.

Especially by Gil.

But I still wasn't used to being touched… by anyone.

I felt a little nervous.

Gil's thumb started rubbing across my cheek.

I didn't really pay attention to it.

I kept looking at his face.

He looked so interested in something, fascinated.

His thumb accidentally brushed my lip.

It tickled a little; I didn't think much of it.

I felt his thumb brush over my lips, purposefully this time.

Gil's thumb was kind of rough.

He brushed back and forth, pressing harder.

I felt my heart thump a little loudly against my ribcage.

This really wasn't normal…

Me and Gil have always been close, a lot closer when we were younger, but he never treated me like this before… he never looked at me that way… I had never wanted to reach for him like I wanted to in that moment.

"Gil?" I managed to say his name again, trying to get his attention. _Didn't he think that this was getting a little strange, too?_

His thumb pressed harder when my lips moved.

He almost touched my tongue.

His other hand curled around the back of my head, I felt him push me forward.

His thumb left quickly.

I felt lips on mine.

My eyes widened in shock. I couldn't move. I couldn't say anything.

Why couldn't I do anything!?

His lips started moving against mine… it felt…. really… really….

….

His arm suddenly wrapped around my back, pulling me in closer.

I had always loved being held by Gil, but this was different…. It wasn't normal.

I reached my hands to his chest, trying to push him away.

I noticed after only a second that I wasn't pushing as hard as I could have.

I could feel his heartbeat under my palms… it was beating really fast.

His lips started to move faster than before… I still couldn't move, even though his hand was pulling me against him, deeper, I was still frozen.

I was shaking.

I was so conflicted…. I didn't want this, but I couldn't bring myself to push him away… I didn't want this, but I didn't want to hurt Gil anymore….

He pulled me even closer.

…I didn't want this…?

Now my forearms were pressed against his firm chest.

He was really warm.

For a spare second, I found myself wanting more of his warmth.

His lips left mine unexpectedly.

I lost my thoughts.

I felt his forehead weigh down on my shoulder, I could hear him sigh loudly, breathing a little hard.

My arms on his chest stayed still.

"Gilbert…" I called his name… my lips still felt a little numb.

My heart jumbled a little when I realized that numbness… _How hard had he been pressing agianst me?_

He started to get heavier. Heavier.

His hands slid down from my face and hair, waving limply in mid-air.

I noticed a little too late that he had passed out.

I grabbed onto his shoulders before he could crush me, pushing towards the back of the armchair.

He started snoring a little.

I let go of him.

I felt cold.

The fire in the fireplace was dying out… I could only see a faint trace of what his face looked like in the fading light.

He was so peaceful… so peaceful…

I felt something like fustration build up in my chest.

_Why was I the only one who was left to deal with what just happened?!!!_

_He just kissed me!!_

_We just kissed!_

_We kissed…_

That word was so strange to me at that moment…

_Gil kissed me…_

I could feel my fists clench a little.

_This definitely wasn't normal!_

_We were never like this before!_

_What changed?!_

A realization came to mind that I couldn't believe I didn't think of earlier.

_He was just drunk…_

_He was only drunk… he probably just got carried away, right?_

I stood there, staring at his sleeping face for only a few seconds more.

I turned away from him hastily, grabbing a small blanket from the foot of my bed.

I laid it over him hurriedly, trying not to touch him.

…

It felt so strange to worry about not touching Gil.

…

I started to walk towards my own bed.

My heart was beating a little too fast…

Why was I still so bothered by what happened?… if he was drunk, then it was nobody's fault… he was drunk, so it didn't mean anything…

_This wasn't my first kiss!… or his either!… probably._

I was suddenly a little sad.

I still haven't heard about his life in those ten years.

I still had no idea who his first kiss was, or who his first crush was, or even if he was still a vir-…

I flopped into bed roughly, making myself stop that thought.

I crawled to my pillows, settling down for sleep, not caring that I wasn't in pajamas or that I had my shoes on.

I couldn't think about Gil like that right now.

Not after…

I grabbed a pillow, hugging it tightly, trying to clear my mind.

But my eyes kept travelling back to that armchair and the crackling embers of the fire behind it.

The back of the chair was facing me, but I could see his dark leg lazily outstretched from the chair.

_This is so crazy…_

I thought to myself, trying to keep my eyes closed.

I willed my eyes closed, covering my head with my pillow.

I pulled out my pocket watch.

I clicked it open….

Every time I listened to it's gentle chime, I always seemed to drift away from the rest of the world… I got lost in memories I couldn't remember.

A second darkness took over my eyes.

……………..

"Oz…." I heard a faint, familiar voice call me from that darkness.

"Oz-kun…. Oz-kun…." Another voice joined in.

I rolled over, still hugging my pillow, trying to stay asleep.

"OZ!!!!" The first voice shouted suddenly.

I flipped out of bed flailing onto the floor.

"Ow…"I complained to myself groggily, rubbing my back that just hit the floor.

I looked up, my eyes half-open.

"Alice…" She was standing right in front of me, her hands on her hips, looking down at me like I was some sort of clumsy manservant…. Well, I guess that's what she actually saw when she looked at me.

I smiled up at her, like I always did…. Even though she just paid me a rude wake-up call.

"You took too long sleeping." She noted, firmly. I looked around.

Break was peeking out from behind Alice, grinning mischievously; I don't think he could smile in any other way.

"Ah, sorr-" I started, before I suddenly remembered last night.

I quickly found my feet, walking towards the armchair, forgetting Alice and Break for a second.

"Gil?" I called out a little urgently. I really needed to talk to him.

Nothing.

The chair was empty.

The blanket was placed messily on the chair-cushion.

"Raven-kun is in the dining room." Break explained, gracefully skipping towards the door, Emily bopping on his shoulder.

"Sharon-san and the clown wouldn't let us have breakfast till you woke up." Alice grumbled, walking towards the door, too.

That explained Alice's impatient.

"Sorry about that…" I apologized casually, walking over to them, rubbing the back of my head.

I was suddenly stunned out of my semi-good mood when I remembered the last time I felt a hand run through my hair like that.

_I really need to talk to him…_

But there was a part of me that was nervous to even be in the same room as him.

……..............

"Good morning, Oz-kun…" I heard Sharon-chan say softly from behind her tea cup.

The morning light poured in from the open balcony windows, lighting up the white tablecloth.

I immediately spotted the only dark area in the entire room.

A single person, dressed darkly, slumping over a newspaper on the left side of the table.

Seeing him again made my stomach turn nervously.

He didn't say anything.

I found my seat on the opposite side of the table.

I saw him hunch closer to the newspaper…

_What is he thinking about?_

I could tell what the answer was... I tried to control my anxiously turning stomach by eating a pastry... it didn't help.

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His temples throbbed with pain.

But even the hangover wasn't enough to distract him from the emerald-eyed boy sitting across from him at the table.

Raven clutched the unread newspaper closer to his face.

_Oh god._

_I totally screwed up._

_I thought crying in front of him was embarrassing…. But this…. This is way too much._

Raven thought back to the moment he woke up.

He remembered a really interesting dream, one where he…. kissed…. Oz.

It seemed so real… he could even remember how it felt.

When he finally realized that he was sitting in the armchair that was in his dream, wearing the same white shirt from his dream, in Oz's room… he wanted to scream with shock, but settled for quietly running out of Oz's room in a panic.

_How could I get so stupid?!_

He wanted to yell at himself… but refrained since everybody would look at him strangely if he did....

....

Raven knew that his feelings for Oz weren't really on the same level as a friend, as a servant, or even as a brother… they were feelings that he knew would never be accepted…

He's known for at least 3 years now.

But he's never come to terms with it before… he would always push those feelings to the back of his mind… he promised himself a long time ago that he'd only ever be a servant for Oz.

But…

Last night… those 3 years broke out.

Raven looked up from his paper when he heard Oz's cheery voice joke with Break.

_Was he that unaffected?_

Raven peeked a golden eye away from the crumpling paper, Oz was still smiling.

_Does he even remember?_

Then he saw Oz's eye twitch a little.

_Wait… that's fake._

_He's only pretending._

_He's not really back to normal...._

Raven lost hope again, and was about to lose even more faith in life when Break spoke up again.

"Well, everyone, your job today is to go out and buy some formal dress-clothes." He ordered, happily chewing on an entire cupcake.

"What fer?" Alice spoke up defiantly, grabbing another pastry… feeling rebellious after her request for barbecued-meat at the breakfast table was denied.

"We're going to be going to the theatre… to visit an old Duke friend of mine." Break explained with a smile.

Raven knew what that meant right away… every time Break said someone was an 'old friend', he really meant somebody he had pissed off in the past.

Break had a lot of 'old friends'.

"So all three of you need to get to town immediately and take some money with you." He popped another cake-treat into his mouth.

Raven grumbled a little.

He knew it was childish, but he really didn't want to be alone with Oz… even the stupid-rabbit wouldn't really count as a third-wheel this time.

**……………………………………………………...............................................................**

I fidgeted with my new dress-suit, which was hanging over my arm.

Gilbert was standing several feet away from me.

He kept looking through the store window, towards the street, trying to pretend that he was completely uninterested in everything other than the people walking outside… but I could tell he wasn't as calm as he tried to look. His brows furrowed in that special way that said he was concentrated too hard on how he looked.

I sighed to myself, hoping Alice would hurry and find the dress she wanted.

I had endured breakfast without a single glance from him, he had been hunched in the very corner of his seat in the carriage, like he was trying to get as far away from me as he could, and now we were standing in this tailor-shop in complete silence.

I hated it.

_Why is he trying to get as far away from me as possible?! _

_Does he really regret it that much?!_

Then my mind crossed a really strange thought.

_Is he trying to avoid me… because he doesn't want to…. lead me on?_

There was only so much thinking I could do before I went crazy… and that thought really spun my reality around.

Thinking about Gil like this was so… new… I didn't know what to make of it.

All I knew was that facing the abyss, chains, and imaginary creatures didn't affect me as much as _this_ was.

I really wanted him to at least look at me… to acknowledge the fact that I was having a rough time, too.

_Wait…_

_Why am I getting so upset?_

_I should just talk to him…_

_We're friends, right?_

I was suddenly scared that what had happened last night would affect our friendship…

I really couldn't let that happen.

I slowly started inching my way closer to where Gil was standing, hoping he wouldn't notice.

I took another step.

In the corner of my eye I saw his head spin over to me for a second, he immediately started to shift away from me.

"Gil!" I called out a little loudly for an indoor voice.

He froze in his tracks comically. But I wasn't amused.

I walked up to his side, not looking at his face.

This was a lot more embarrassing than I thought it would be.

We stood in silence for a few unendurable seconds before I realized that I should say something first since I called him.

"You remember… wha-what happened last night?" I mumbled my question quietly.

I was pretty sure he remembered, but I needed to bring this up somehow.

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"You remember… wha-what happened last night?" Raven's heart started falling…

He had been dreading this.

He wanted to lie, he really wanted to say 'No, I don't remember a thing….'

But it was impossible for him to lie to Oz.

"Ah…" He replied, unable to get a real word out of his throat.

"I… um... You…. You did that because…." Oz kept hesitating after every word. With every sudden pause and every sudden word, Raven felt his heart being tugged and tossed around as if some sort of frighteningly devious cat was playing with it. "Because you were…. drunk… right?"

The cat gave Raven's heart an inconsolable whack.

He couldn't say anything.

He didn't know what he should say….

He _had _done it because he was drunk… otherwise he wouldn't have had the confidence.... but there was a part of him that had been wanting to do that anyways, for a long time…

a very long time…

Maybe this was his chance?

"Yeah…" Raven's answer wasn't the one he wanted to give.

But it was better this way.

_It's _much_ better this way...._

_Oz wouldn't have to deal with troublesome unrequited feelings… and I can… push these feelings away deeper… _

_And maybe forget them someday._

Raven waited for Oz to adopt his usual grin, to jump into his sight and say something along the lines 'Well, if that's it… then I guess I can forgive you…', and then they'll go back… to the way things were before…. And, at least, Oz would be happy…

_That's all that matters to me..._

But Oz didn't do anything.

He didn't jump into sight, smile, or say anything at all.

Raven slowly tried to peek a glance over at Oz, but was interrupted.

"Alice!"

**…………………………….....................................................………………………….**

"Yeah…" Gil's deeper voice found my ears.

This was the response I had been waiting for…. The one I wanted… right?

So why was I feeling so… heavy?

_Why did my heart sink when he said that?_

_Why am I not smiling and happy that we can just forget all this?_

_Why?!!_

I found a distraction as soon as I wanted one.

"Alice!" I called out to her as she was stomping her feet over to us.

"That lady kept pestering me to buy the pink dress over there… even though I wanted this one, she made me try the other one on…" Alice complained to me like I was customer service. I grinned at her weakly, nodding.

I had to get my mind off of things for a second.

I was getting a little scared… _what was I actually feeling?_

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All three of them walked down the dirt path, Alice excitedly pointing at different stores, completely unaware of the atmosphere called 'awkward tension'.

Raven was staring at his boots, his face visibly upset underneath the curtain of his charcoal-colored hair.

He glanced up to Oz for what seemed the 20th time since they left the store. Oz was a few feet ahead of him, talking with Alice.

He didn't seem normal either.

His smiles were fake.

He was walking slower than usual.

Raven looked down to his boots again.

_I really need a smoke…._

He thought to himself sadly... he was trying to give it up again. He was starting to regret it, adding another item to the long list of regrets in Raven's life.

_I'm always making really stupid decisions._

_I can never seem to get anything right._

_Even now, I've done something that even Oz can't forgive._

_He won't even look at me._

Raven's hands clenched into fists.

_We can't stay like this…_

_If he drifts farther and farther from me while I don't even try to keep him closer…_

_I'll just become a failure at yet another area of my life._

_....I'll lose the most important person in my life...._

Raven started to pick up his pace, collecting a sense of restless energy with every step.

His determination was building, but he had no idea what he was going to do until Alice spoke up again.

"There's a meat-shop!" She yelled triumphantly, as if she was a hunter spotting the perfect prey.

She ran off towards the booth that was a block away… she had a good sense of smell.

Oz chuckled faintly, picking up his feet to run after her.

_This is my only chance!...._

Raven saw his hand reach out and grab Oz's wrist at the last second, pulling hm back.

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**Sorry for the cliffy, but I had to cut it … the next chap will be out reeeaally soon!! :D**


	3. Warm

**Finally Chapter 3!**

**Title:** _"Warm"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

**Note: Sorry for the wait, everyone!**

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Even though I was trying to run towards the meat-vendor that Alice was already bludgeoning for price-cuts before she even reached his counter, I was actually stumbling backwards.

Somebody was tugging on my arm.

His hand felt really familiar…

I whipped around to face him.

But he was running with his back turned to me.

"Gil?!" I called out, trying to keep up with him, staggering along the way.

His legs were longer than mine, he was going too fast.

He didn't seem to hear my voice… I tried to call his name again, but we were suddenly turning a sharp corner.

Everything was darker now.

He still wasn't letting go of me.

"Gil?!" I called his name again as he dragged me down this narrow alleyway.

He stopped suddenly; we were right in the middle of the alley.

He was quiet… I could only hear my breathing, and the bustling crowd dozens of feet behind us.

He didn't turn around, his hand on my wrist squeezed a little tighter.

His palm felt really hot.

I noticed he wasn't wearing his gloves today.

The feeling of his hand reminded me of last night…

I shook my head at myself…

_I can't be thinking stuff like that….._

"Gil, what's going on?" I asked a little quietly.

He didn't say anything… I felt his hand tug my arm abruptly.

I stumbled forward, almost losing my footing. He turned towards me at the same moment.

We were facing each other now.

He was really close to me.

Too close.

I backed up; my back hit the bumpy brick wall.

He was staring at the ground.

"Oz…" His voice was quiet.

"What?" I asked, only a little confused.

"What happened last night…" He started up. "I didn't mean for it to get that far… but I did mean what I said..."

I listened… feeling a little fidgety.

He was so close to me, I was feeling a little weird… but it wasn't bad.

"I apologize for doing that to you… I know you probably hate me …."

His voice got even weaker… cracking a little. That voice… I could hear the slight traces of the Gilbert I knew a long time ago.

I couldn't bear hearing his voice like that.

Even though he was already 24, and acted like it most of the time… every time he talked to me like this, he seemed 14 again.

"I-I don't hate you, Gil." I mumbled a little. "I would never…"

His sharp, golden eyes flashed down to mine. It was different, looking up into his eyes now. Especially when they were only inches from mine.

His hand fell against the brick wall, next to my face.

"I'm just… trying to figure out…."I answered vaguely, feeling a little enclosed. "About last night… why that happened between us…" I elaborated absent-mindedly, not even meaning to say it. But it was true.

I haven't stopped wondering why Gilbert would do that… even if he was drunk, he was still capable of talking and acting normally…. For the most part....

So why would he have done that unless there was a part of him that... wanted to...

"Oz…" His voice was even softer. I heard his boot take another step towards me, his body inched closer.

His hand on my wrist loosened, lifting upward, his fingers catching onto the cuff of my sleeve for a second before I felt his hand land on my shoulder.

My arm felt like it was on fire under his touch.

That was definitely new, too.

_What is he doing….?_

I looked up at him, his eyes were narrowed painfully.

I really couldn't stand it when he gave me that look… like I was doing something that was hurting him.

"Oz…" he only said my name again, but I shivered a little.

No matter how many times I've heard him say it… I never grew tired of it.

I felt his hand slide over to the corner of my neck. His body leaned over me a little more.

His body warmth was getting a little stronger.

His thumb brushed along my neck… it felt familiar and completely new at the same time.

My heart was beating harder than it was when I was running.

_Why am I not upset about how close he's getting to me?_

_Well, I guess I've never really minded how close Gil was to me… I'd always wanted him with me._

_But now… he wants to get closer… to me._

_Why did the thought of that make me happier?_

I could barely make sense of any of my thoughts.

But one thought rang out…

_I've always wanted to be with Gilbert forever… Could I be with him like this?..._

_Is it really okay… to be this close to someone?_

"Oz… I always wanted to be with you." Gilbert words answered my question… but I still wasn't sure what he meant, exactly.

His face was so much closer to mine.

His hand grazed the side of my face.

It felt like it belonged there.

_He's so close… so warm…_

**……………………………………………………………………**

_He's so close… so warm…_

_Finally…._

_Finally._

Raven leaned down, his eyes constantly checking the emerald ones that were holding his stare…. Just in case they flickered with any signs of hesitation or repulsion.

Raven had readied himself, for years, to be reacted to with hatred if he ever told Oz about his feelings…. Not because he thought Oz was the sort of person who would hate easily, but because he had always felt like his feelings were a sort of unforgivable trespass between friends, between master and servant.

But this was actually happening.

Oz was here… looking up at him. His emerald eyes were so honest.

His heart thumped loudly as he finally realized exactly what was going on.

_He isn't backing away…_

_He's only looking at me…_

_I've never been able to look into his eyes this directly…_

Raven felt his fingers weave into Oz's hair like they had the night before… but it felt so much more real this time.

Oz tilted his head upward a little…

The space between them closed a bit more.

"Oz!!... Seaweed-Head!!!"

Raven backed away from Oz with incredible speed, forgetting about being in an alleyway, he accidentally bumped against the wall.

His head suddenly hurt with a dull shot of pain.

He rubbed the back of his head for a second.

By the time he looked up to try and find Oz, Oz was already running towards Alice.

Raven followed after him, still feeling awkward and a little put off.

**……..**

"What were you two doing?" Alice asked, half-interested, walking off into the street ahead of Raven and Oz, chewing on a drumstick happily.

"We just saw an interesting booth" Oz lied badly. Raven could tell from Oz's cheerful tone that it was a lie… but not a lot of people would know that.

And yet Alice accepted it and went on chewing noisily, grumbling contentedly.

Raven exhaled with relief before feeling a new form of anxious tension rise.

_What was just about to happen back there?_

Did he really just grab Oz and lead him into that dark alleyway?

Wasn't that just a dream, a mid-day fantasy, something that he only wished he had done?

He saw Oz give him a side-ways glance with tense eyes… Raven knew at that moment that that mid-day fantasy had actually happened.

Raven had trouble remembering how to walk for a second, but muscle-memory took over so that he could worry about other things.

Like how was he going to get another moment alone with Oz?

And what was he going to say?

... What was Oz thinking about?...

**…………………………………………………………………….**

The carriage was rocking back and forth as we went down the rocky road to the mansion.

It was a normal carriage ride, noting out of the ordinary.

But my mind was reeling, trying to make sense of the changing world around me.

_What had just happened in that alleyway?_

_Gil almost… and I was going to… let him…?_

_I was actually… looking forward to it!?_

…_And…_

… _I felt disappointed when Alice interrupted…._

I looked down to my laps, my hands curling around the hem of my shorts anxiously.

…_but…_

…_. Gil's a guy._

_We're both boys!_

… _Boys?..._

_He's older than a 'boy' now… isn't he?_

_He's a man…_

_He's a man…_

That thought couldn't stick… it didn't make sense to me.

_I'm a boy…_

_He's a man…_

_But I'm still a year older than him?_

The main thought that really drove me crazy wasn't our strange age difference…. It was the fact that we were both male!...

_Isn't this wrong?!_

_It's not supposed to be like this, right?!_

_But why do I feel like this?_

_Why am I constantly checking to see if he's looking at me?_

_Why does my heart suddenly feel like its being squeezed whenever I think about last night?_

_Why did I wish Alice hadn't had stopped what was going to happen in that alley?!_

_Isn't this wrong!?_

… I stared down at my tight fists seriously, trying to think this through, while trying to find some sort of escape from these thoughts at the same time…

_I've always liked girls…_

_I've always thought they were pretty and nice…_

_But I've never felt this way over a girl before…_

…

_Why is all of this happening?!_

…

I wanted to groan with confusion and hold my head in my hands.

But I controlled myself, and tried to act normal.

I leaned sluggishly against the back of my seat.

My eyes kept flickering towards the darkly dressed man sitting next to me.

On the way to town, Gil had hunched in his corner of the cabin, getting as far away from me as he could.

But now he was just staring out the window, slightly slouched forward…. Just as always.

He wouldn't seem stressed to anyone else, but I could tell…. Gil always got unnaturally stiff when he was upset. He wouldn't move unless he had to.

I wondered if he was thinking the same things I was…

That maybe, he was having second thoughts about this… situation…

…_.That would be good, right?..._

My heart disagreed with that thought…

**……………………………………………………..**

"Tomorrow night, we'll be heading to the theatre!" Break re-announced, happily sipping his over-sugarfied tea. "So everybody get to bed early… you'll need your energy for tomorrow!" Break smiled with a calm silliness.

Raven had heard that so many times over the past several years around Break.

Looks like this 'old friend' of Break's was going to put up quite a fight… and this was Break's tip-off.

"Eh?!!" Alice shouted defiantly.

"I'm afraid it's off to bed for you, Alice-kun." Break said cheerfully from behind his little fan. "Unless you wanted to show us how pretty your new dress looks on you." Anybody could hear the playful malice in his voice.

"That's if she still fits in it after eating so much!" Little Emily shrieked from his shoulder with a rickety laugh.

"Now, now…" Break calmed the cackling Emily, snickering to himself, too.

Alice turned on her heel with a dismissive snort, and walked down the main hallway, clutching her grease-spotted bag of meat-treats.

Sharon gave a silent scold towards Break… he shrugged his shoulders haughtily.

Raven couldn't enjoy the simple attitude at the table.

He left his seat, picking himself off of the chair exhaustedly, leaving his barely-sipped teacup on the table.

Raven didn't say anything as he walked away… only sighed.

Today had been a long day...

He glanced back to the table. His eyes found the emerald ones he had last shared eye-contact with in that alley.

Raven quickly looked away; trying to remain composed, and not show the inward grimace of regret on his face.

He didn't regret his feelings... mostly... but he definitely regretted that stupid decision of his to literally drag Oz into this kind of situation....

He had hoped that he could've controlled himself and his feelings for the rest of their friendship, to protect Oz from ever having to deal with any of this.

This was just another thing he had managed to fail...

Raven tucked his hands into the pockets of his jacket and walked off into the hallway, towards his room.

_Maybe if I don't talk to him for a little bit..._

_... then we can go back to normal..._

Raven cringed at the thought... but if it meant Oz wouldn't have to go through this...............

**.................................................................................................................................................**

Gilbert disappeared into the hallway.

I immediately felt a sense of disappointment take over.

I had thought that once Gilbert left the room... I would be able to think straight... That I wouldn't be glancing back to him every few seconds, I wouldn't be constantly wondering what he was thinking, or if he was going to talk to me later....

But in that moment when he looked at me for only that spare second...

I could tell... he wasn't going to ever say anything…

…

_Was I wrong?_

_Was I wrong this entire time?!_

_Maybe he was just… testing it out..._

_Maybe he didn't feel the same way I did!_

…

_What do I feel, agian?_

_..._

My thoughts scrambled with that thought.... and the answer that popped into my mind only a second later.

"Um, good night..." I said hurriedly, leaving the table in a rush.

I power-walked around the long dining table, all-too-aware of Break's and Sharon's curious stare on me.

I was acting a little strange... but I had to do something.

If I left this the way it was... and he didn't talk to me... things would only get awkward... he'd avoid me... our friendship would suffer...

...

... We wouldn't be able to go back to the way things were... ever...

...

No... I'm not doing this so that we can go back to normal....

...

Ever since last night... it was never an alternative to just forget the way we felt when we were around each other.

...

I walked down the dimly-lit hallway, looking for him, feeling a little desperate.

I saw him, a dark figure standing in front of his bedroom door, about to open it.

I wanted to run to him, to catch him before he left the hallway...

_But what was I going to say?!_

I faltered in my steps… I looked down to my feet, wide-eyed.

_What am I going to say?!_

_What could I say?!!_

I looked back up to him, he was already walking into his room.

"Gil!" I called out his name, needing to get his attention… completely unsure of what to say next.

I left my feet carry me toward him... trying to think of something to say...

My stride grew a little weaker when I saw him look back out of his doorway, his eyes staring at me questioningly.

"Oz?" He called back… I stopped in front of his doorway, feeling more nervous than I could ever remember feeling around Gilbert.

After a second of silence, I realized that I had to say something…

I've only been able to think about one thing since this afternoon…

"Um… I… wanted to talk about…." My words were a little weaker. I never used to be this anxious while talking to Gilbert.

I took a long pause... feeling weird...

"I'm sorry, Oz…" He suddenly spoke up with a cold voice before I could even finish my struggling sentence.

I looked back to him suddenly, catching a glimpse of his pained face as he turned away from me.

I couldn't take this feeling anymore.

"No…" I felt my hand close only halfway around his arm.

I hadn't planned on this, but I definitely wasn't going to let him brush this all off like it didn't matter to him. Like he wasn't thinking about what was going on between us as nervously as I was, all day!

I couldn't let him take back what he said… what he did… what he made me feel....

"What's wrong?" His voice sounded a little surprised.

I finally realized that I probably had a strange expression on my face… something desperate… maybe a little upset.

I almost tried to calm myself… but I wanted to use this energy to say what I needed to.

"Why did you pull me into that alley? What were you going to do?" I asked bluntly, tightening my open grip on his sleeved arm. I tried not to think about how embarrassing those words were, about what I was really asking him.

He looked down at me, his expression of worry changing into one of silent shock. His golden eyes opened wide…

"I… don't know…." He breathed those words out difficultly, coldly. He seemed to feel just as nervous as I had a few seconds ago.

I suddenly felt him tug his arm away from me. I couldn't keep my grip on him.

He was starting to turn around again.

My frustration grew…

I couldn't let him ignore what we're talking about right now!...

"Gil!"

I reached up, both my hands curled around the fabric of his jacket.

I pulled him back over to me with some effort…

He staggered back around, crouching down a little, following the downward direction of his jacket.

I knew I probably looked angry… but he didn't even look fazed.

After only a second of surprise, he was staring at me, eye-to-eye… his eyes half-closed, staring at me in a way I didn't really recognize.

I felt my frustration waver for a second.

I shut my eyes tightly, not wanting to be effected by those eyes.

"Don't act like you don't care!..." I said a little loudly, feeling unnatural for raising my voice at Gilbert.

An ungloved hand grazed along the side of my face.

Even though I'd only felt that a few times in the past day… I could never forget the way that hand felt against my skin.

"Oz…" His voice wasn't cold anymore… it was warm… "It's not that I don't care…" I opened my eyes slowly, trying to prepare myself to see his face as close to mine as I felt it was.

Nothing could have prepared me. I still felt that pang in my heart when I saw his eyes staring at me like that.

"I care too much…" His voice was so warm. "More than I should…" His burning hand found my shoulder, the heat spreading along my torso, finding my heart, which was already beating too fast.

His face inched closer, I could hear the rustling of his jacket as I felt him breathe against the side of my face.

I felt his lips land just below my temple.

I flinched at the feeling.

It was still really new to me.

His lips.

My hands suddenly felt hot, I held them against my sides.

He was so close.

He was really this close.

Is he really…

"Are you really being serious?..." I asked quietly… struggling to keep my voice steady when my lips were almost touching his ear.

I felt him nod.

That was a bit more like Gilbert… losing his words at a time like this.

I couldn't really believe what was going on.

_How did this even happen?_

_Weren't we just friends a day ago?_

_How did all of this happen so quickly?!_

_Were we always on this thin edge between friendship and...?_

I tried to lift my hands to him, to feel him... I wanted to for some reason... but the issue that had been flooding my mind for so long suddenly resurfaced, more important to me than ever, and weakened my efforts to move.

"Doesn't it bother you?..." I spoke up quietly, failing to keep my voice from sounding a little strange. "…That... we're both…" I couldn't even finish the sentence…. I hoped he wouldn't have to make me say it.

I knew he had to have thought how strange it is for us... two boys... one boy, one man... to be like this.

He pulled away from me, his eyes found mine.

I wanted to close my eyes again… but I forced myself not to….

It was never this hard to look Gilbert in the eyes before… but now, he seemed to have some sort of power that made me want to look away… he was so… intense...

His hand on my face slid back into my hair a little.

My nerves were numbed a little by that sensation...

I wanted more…

...

I couldn't think about how strange that desire was before his voice found my ears.

"You're Oz…. my friend, my master, my reason… that's all I need…"

His voice was so warm.

His lips were warmer against mine.

I couldn't hear anything over the beating of my heart.

I couldn't see anything other than his golden eyes.

I could feel anything but his warmth.

**…………………………………………………**

**Next Chapter:** _"Cold"_


	4. Cold

**Chapter 4!**

**Title: **_"Cold"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

**NOTE: Takes place right after the group gets back from visiting Duke Rufus Barma at the opera house…**

**(This chapter starts at the end of ****Chapter 32****, [This'll be the style for every update from here on out, picking up after almost each manga chapter's end… so it may not follow the anime, because of the fillers...])**

**…………………………................................................................................…………………………………………….**

...

"_Are you afraid?… Afraid that Oz will keep changing?..."_

…

"… _Afraid that you'll be left behind?.... "_

_..._

Break's words still stung him.

Even now, as they all walked lazily back into the mansion, he still felt the pain and fear attached to those words.

"Well, I guess tonight was enough excitement for everyone…" Break said with a tired, concluding tone, walking ahead of the group. Nobody needed to say anything to that.

Alice's stomach rumbled impatiently, though.

A sweet laughter rung out as a golden-haired boy ran in front of Raven, towards Alice, laughing at her for a moment before she gave him a half-serious glare, clutching her stomach defensively.

Raven couldn't keep his eyes away from Oz.

They hadn't really talked since last night.

After that kiss, after the confessions, they hadn't said anything… they had only parted ways quickly when they had heard Break come skipping down the hallway, to his own bedroom.

They didn't even say 'good night'.

Raven had felt a surprising rush of happiness take over for the whole day, because of that kiss… till Break said those cursed words.

Raven couldn't get them out of his head… he couldn't push away those childish fears that had plagued him for so long…. And now that Oz was finally this close to him, these worries tore deeper into him.

Raven's fears seemed to have amplified with his happiness…

It was natural for him… every time he ever felt happy, he was always worried about what horrible thing was about to happen to him... he would constantly fear what the universe would do to even out the small amount of happiness Raven thought he deserved.

And now… with this amount of joy…. Raven was deathly afraid of suddenly losing Oz…

… Afraid that Oz will realize, after finally getting this close to him, that Raven was actually a lot … different… from their childhood days…. And leave him for someone who could do more for him.

A pair of bright green eyes flashed to his.

Raven was shocked out of his grave, troubled thoughts.

Oz smiled at him brightly.

He stopped at the stairs, waiting for Raven to catch up, letting Alice walk ahead of him.

Raven's happiness in that moment was still conflicted with that fear… Raven wanted to reach out… just to feel him… to make sure this wasn't all some sort of dream.

But he knew better not to.

…

_Does he really need me anymore?…_

…

**……………………………..........................................................................................…………………………………..**

Gilbert smiled back at me a little crookedly…

His eyes surprised me… we were all tired, but he seemed so exhausted….

He looked up at me like I was so far away from him…

I didn't like it.

I didn't want him looking at me like that.

I wanted him right next to me, by my side, I wanted to feel his warmth, I wanted to see his real smile… like I did last night…

My stomach turned over a little excitedly. I suddenly felt a little fidgety.

Every time I thought about the way Gil and I touched… kissed… it was always so hard controlling my heartbeat, controlling the way my heart felt lighter as my body seemed to weigh me down…

Gil looked away from me.

Something was definitely wrong with him.

He climbed up the stairs, passing me quickly, only looking at his feet.

It was like he was trying to keep himself from looking at me…

… or was it that…

_Something's wrong with me?_

…

**………..........................................................................................................................**

"Yes, three of a kind!" Oz exclaimed happily as he laid down three jacks onto the table. Alice sneered at his ever-growing three-paired collection of cards. She only had a few cards laid out in front of her, most of them were still fanned out in her hands.

Oz had just been able to teach Alice how to play Rummy… but she was turning into a sorer loser by the second.

Break and Sharon were talking comfortably on the other side of the room, both of them seemed rather tired… Raven could pick up a few words… they were talking about the festival tomorrow.

It was amazing to Raven how easily things could turn back to normal even after the amount of soul-searching drama that had happened earlier that night.

He looked back to Oz, then to Alice, who was trying to talk her way out of picking up yet another card.

Raven couldn't understand how these two could still have enough energy to play card games.

Oz laughed, leaning against the back of the loveseat that him and Raven were sharing, Alice leaned forward in her own chair across the table, inspecting Oz's cards for any fakes.

Raven couldn't explain how _he_ even had enough energy to watch them as they excitedly threw down cards or play-argued over suspicious rules that Oz might have made up or not.

Raven closed his eyes for a few seconds, feeling just how good it felt to block out the visual world… he knew he should be resting right now…he knew that they had another big day ahead of them with the festival… and Raven was already planning that side-trip to his foster home…

To discuss something with his little brother…

… Raven wasn't looking forward to that…

But he couldn't bring himself to leave Oz's side…

…

"_Are you afraid?... Afraid that you'll be left behind?"_

…

He felt so childish.

Ravens' eyes flashed open when he felt a soft movement again his slightly clenched hand.

Soft fingers he recognized from last night.

He looked down to his hand.

Oz's smaller fingers were brushing against his own.

Raven could hear Alice grumble from behind her cards, completely engrossed with the pieces of glossy paper, and oblivious to what was happening on the loveseat.

Raven couldn't help a quiver of joy run through his heart.

A smile threatened his lips.

His fingers loosened a little, slowly reaching for Oz's… his fingertips brushed along Oz's hand.

The small smile his face had been holding back almost broke free, until Oz's hand suddenly slinked away.

"Aha!" Alice shouted, throwing down a four of a kind.

"Wow!" Oz exclaimed happily for the smug Alice… seemingly completely unfazed from that small moment Raven just had with him.

Raven suddenly felt more exhausted than ever.

**…………………………………...........................................................................................…………………………………………**

My eyes were glued on my cards… I kept trying to stop myself from looking over to Gil.

My fingers still tingled from touching his…

I never really knew that Gil's touch could do that to me, I couldn't help noticing that the more my emotional feelings were changing for Gil…. The more my body was starting to act differently, too…

But I couldn't focus any of that right now.

He seemed to be really tired… and upset about something…. I could tell from his posture.

I knew that he had a hard time at the opera house when we were around Duke Barma… and I knew that he was probably still troubled by something when we were walking up the stairs… I thought that maybe he was upset at me about something…. But just now.

He touched me back, his fingers had grazed along mine kindly…

But he still looked bothered.

I wanted to finish the game as soon as possible.

I wanted to talk to him.

I really didn't like it when he fell into these depressive spells… and now, our relationship is so much more touchier than before… I really didn't want to let him down if he needed help.

"Yosh!" Alice cried as she pulled another card from the deck, looks like she drew a lucky one.

I used the momentary opportunity to peek over my cards at him.

He was staring off into space… his eyes narrowed like he was lost in deep thought.

I wanted to get his attention.

I pushed my hand towards him again.

But just as soon as my fingertip touched his hand, he immediately stood up, snatching his hand away from mine quickly.

"Good night, everyone…" His voice said really coldly before turning around, and walking out the double-doorway.

He didn't even glance at me.

I knew that I didn't know a lot about relationships… especially… romantic… relationships… (which was a strange thought in enough itself: a romantic relationship with Gil)… but I knew that this wasn't normal

….

Then again, nothing was normal in my life…

...

My impatience for the game grew… I really needed to talk with him…. I pulled another card from the deck... I had two three-of-a-kinds, but I didn't lay them down.

I'd let Alice win this one quickly.

**………………………………………......................................................................………………………..**

Raven shrugged off his dress jacket, laying it over his forearm carefully… he probably wouldn't need to use the suit again for a while, but he didn't want to waste the money he'd spent on it by simply throwing the suit on the floor… which he really wanted to do since he was so tired of everything right now.

He reached into his closet, feeling around and pulling out a hanger.

His room was rather dimly lit with a single desk lamp alight, but he wasn't planning on staying up much longer.

Today's misadventures, as well as tonight's fears had eaten away at his energy, as well as his conviction.

He had finally come to a decision.

He would let Oz leave him…

It wasn't much of his own decision since he knew that Oz would leave him behind at some point anyways, but this way… he would _let_ Oz leave _now._

They wouldn't have to wait till the day that they slowly and painfully separated…

He paused as he stuffed the hanger into one shoulder of the jacket, letting himself feel the pain of his decision.

But he knew it was for the best.

His hands clenched around the second shoulder as he slipped it over the hanger.

_If Oz gets any closer to me… and discovers just how much I've had changed from that timid boy-servant I used to be… if he learns what sort of dirtied, betraying man I've become…. _

_It would only be a matter of time before Oz would realize that I'm not 'Gilbert' anymore… that he doesn't need a man like me with him…_

Thinking like this was so strange for Raven…. For the longest time he could only ever wonder what this kind of relationship would be like between him and Oz…. and now that he had it… he felt like he needed to take responsibility for it… to not get lost in what he _wanted_ but what was best for Oz.

Raven slowly hung the hook of the hanger onto the pole in his closet, sighing.

This must be the payment for the happiness he felt earlier today…

His hands found the buttons of his shirt, undoing them one at a time, meditatively.

_Things have changed so much in the past few days… but they can't stay this way forever…_

A knock sounded at the door, "Come in…" Raven replied, his mind still lost in his thoughts as he reached the last button.

_I should let him end it now before I…_

"Gil?"

Raven recognized that voice; his fatigue seemed to wash away with surprise, as he whipped his head over to the blonde-haired boy walking through the bedroom door.

When he had said 'come in' he definitely wasn't paying attention to what he was doing… and especially hadn't thought about this possibility.

**……………………………………………………………….....................................................................……………………..**

After I called his name, he turned towards me, looking a little surprised.

His hands undoing the last button of his shirt.

My eyes fell to his chest.

Why did I suddenly feel like I should turn around?!

I immediately found myself turning away from the still-shocked, open-shirted Gil…

_Why did I turn around?!_

_I shouldn't have to, right?!_

_We're both guys, we don't have to worry about…_

That thought really struck me hard before I even finished it.

We hadn't had to worry about it before… but after last night… things had become different this way, too.

Seeing him like this meant something completely different.

The fact my heart was beating a little too fast right now was proof that things were definitely changing for me.

"It's ok, Oz…" I heard his voice speak up. He sounded a little serious.

I looked back to him, he had buttoned up his shirt.

I felt a little better when I realized that he must've thought it was inappropriate, too… like I wasn't the only one who was changing like this.

I noticed something.

He hadn't buttoned it all the way… I could still see the edge of his scar… the scar I gave him, ten years ago…

…it still hurt to look at it…

I was distracted from that when I saw his expression.

He seemed completely… resigned… but almost upset.

What was going through his head?

"Do you need something?" His cold voice asked up… he turned away from me, reaching into his closet again.

Why did I have to need something from him just to see him?

What if I had just wanted to see him?…

But I did need to talk to him…

"I just wanted to talk…" I answered a little quietly, walking further into his room, trying not to think about how his scent was all around me, and how it made me feel a little happy.

It seemed a little weird.

I never knew what any of this meant… these feelings... I was always so confused whether this was a good feeling or an unnatural one.

But when I saw Gil look away from me, and I felt that small pang of disappointment… I didn't care if these feelings were unnatural, or strange, or bad, or good…. I only cared about what he was feeling.

"About what?" He asked into the closet. I heard him shift hangers around busily.

_Why is he acting so cold now?_

_He wasn't like this last night._

"Is something wrong?" I ignored his question, jumping right onto the subject I had been thinking about.

"No, everything's fine." He answered nonchalantly, taking one of his casual dress shirts out of the closet.

He walked over to his bed, taking it off of the hanger and laying it down carefully…. The whole time he kept his back to me.

I could feel my frustration rise.

"You're lying." I spoke up towards his back, clenching my fists.

He turned to me again… his golden eyes weren't as cold as before… he seemed… conflicted.

I didn't know how I could tell… maybe it was because of how I used to be able to read his eyes so well… but they've changed…

"There's nothing for you to worry about…" Gilbert finally answered my forward response a little weakly, walking back to his closet, away from me.

"The way your acting is worrying me." I tried to catch his attention. He only paused for a moment before he put the hanger back. "Why are you acting like this?" I asked a little louder walking right up to him, feeling more and more fidgety with every step.

The closer I got to him, the more I felt my fingers want to touch him… but with how he was acting now, I was actually getting a little nervous.

He closed the closet door, his back still to me.

"…Oz… it's okay… if you want to stop this before... it gets any more serious."

I looked up to the back of his head, feeling more confused than I did before…

What did he mean by that?

My mind flashed back to the worries that had plagued me the day before, when he was acting a little distant, too. "… Is this…. Have you… changed your mind?"

I scolded myself for sounding so embarrassed, but how else could I ask whether he was still willing to… touch me anymore?

This worry I've had was never about what we felt for each other... but the way we wanted to express it...

It was so strange to ask him this, while feeling this nervous for his answer…. Yesterday I had been so unsure whether _I_ wanted to be with him like this….

"Of course not…." He immediately turned around, His hands grabbing my shoulders.

Now he seemed to be letting his real thoughts out... he looked a little desperate.

"Then why are you saying these things?" My frustration grew.

Gilbert's eyes suddenly looked away from mine, he closed them… taking a deep breath.

I felt like I should be readying myself for whatever he was about to say, but I was still distracted by his hands, his scent, his chest, the scar… his words.

He finally started talking, slowly, seriously,"… Your life has changed so much from the childhood we had… I've changed, too…" He flinched at his own words. "You've become someone crucial to this battle between the Baskervilles and Pandora…. I can't follow you, as your retainer, for too much longer… " He continued, his face grimacing with every word.... "I'll only get in the way…"....

That's what's been bothering him?

That's why Gil's been avoiding me?

These are the thoughts the make him act so coldly?

"Gil…" I called his name softly, still trying to think.

His hands tightened on my shoulders warmly. I was still too far off in my own thoughts to really notice... but my heart noticed anyways, and started thumping louder.

His voice interrupted my thoughts.

"If you don't need me anymore, please leave now… before I…"

That was it… I couldn't help it.

Gilbert completely stopped talking when I started laughing.

I was laughing so hard.

I couldn't help it, but the way he was acting…. What's been worrying him this whole time.

It was almost… cute… but completely ridiculous.

I could feel my chest shake with every guffaw, I reached my hands up to the fabric of his shirt, holding onto him as I leaned towards the ground weakly, losing oxygen fast.

"Oi…" He grumbled a little.

I could tell he wanted me to stop laughing…. It must be embarrassing for him, so I did my best to stop and offer my explanation.

"You're… you're like… a little kid…." I explained a little loudly, trying to catch my breath and beat down my laughter.

"What?!" He didn't think it was funny as I thought it was. He freaked out a little, his eyes widened a little comically as I remembered they would when we were both the same age.

His hands clenched around my shoulders a little more tightly, pulling me only an inch closer. I suddenly lost the giggles now that my heart was beating even faster.

I had to give him a better reason than that.

"… Only paying attention to what you think, and not what others feel…" I managed to say, calming down, looking at my hands, my fingers pulling limply on his shirt.

"Oz?" Gil called my name, sounding a little less embarrassed.

I felt a little bad for laughing at him… but I really had to let him know that these worries were completely unnecessary.

"You were never _only_ my retainer…" I summed up, my fists clenching around the fabric of his shirt a little tighter… "…even if I don't need a servant, I need my friend, I need my…."

I really couldn't finish that sentence, I really couldn't bring myself to label what exactly was happening between us, and what that made us to each other… but we both knew what his third, and newest, relationship to me was.

His hands suddenly let go of my shoulders, but slinked down, over my shoulder blades, curling around my lower back.

One of my greatest comforts… being held by Gil… but the way it felt had changed, too… it felt so much better.

His arms, heavy and warm, pulling me against his even warmer, firm chest.

My hands were still in front of me, and even though I wanted to hold him back, to hold him against me even tighter… it still felt nice to just let my palms flatten against his chest.

I could feel his heartbeat.

It was racing faster than mine… deeper... stronger.

It calmed me…. almost hypnotically.

It felt so… natural… so perfectly peaceful… so safe…

I had no idea anybody could feel this warm, this wonderful, this comforting.

His voice suddenly rumbled lightly through his chest, tickling the side of my face a little.

"Are you sure? …." He asked, he almost sounded a little desperate… "Because I don't know if I can stop these feelings anymore…."

I didn't want him to stop those feelings… not when I had just managed to find them myself.

I pushed myself away from his chest a few inches, feeling a little colder for a second, before I felt his hands slide up my back, to my hair... I was suddenly a lot warmer.

He must've known what I had wanted to do.

Our lips met… it still felt really… new…and a little surreal… but I liked it.

His lips moved against mine a little harder than last night, his fingers weaved into my hair a little more eagerly, too…. I felt him crouch over me, trying to get closer.

I pulled him by his shirt, wanting him to get closer, too.

His lips pressed against mine even harder… but before I could even react, he already broke away, breathing only a little bit harder, while my oxygen supply had been greatly compromised.

He crouched down lower, his forehead leaning against mine… his fingers still curling into my hair anxiously.

"I don't know if I can let you go after this…"

He almost whispered…. He sounded like he was trying to warn me… trying to tell me to get away from him as soon as possible… like his feelings for me were going to become a permanent burden.

_Why is he always beating himself up?_

_Why is he so sure that I'll leave him?_

_Doesn't he know what he means to me?!_

_He was one of my first friends, my _best_ friend, I've never loved anyone who wasn't family more than I loved him… and now… my feelings for him may be a little different, but they're definitely _not_ weaker._

"I don't think I'll let you let me go…" I finally responded a little cheekily… hoping to make him smile.

He did.

I pulled him closer again.

His forehead left mine as our lips met again.

All of my doubts, all of my worries, every single inhibition I had about what was happening between me and Gil suddenly melted away… when his arms wrapped around me tighter, when his lips moved against mine with perfect synchrony, when his fingers ran through my hair, when I felt his heart stutter and race under my palms… when he looked at me with his golden eyes like I was the only person in this world he would hold.

I knew I could never leave him…


	5. Push

**Chapter 5!**

**Title: **_"Push"_

**Disclaimer:**** I own nothing!!**

**Note:**** Sorry for the wait! I really hate updating after so many days, since I'm really used to updating faster (for my other story)… but this one's a bit harder to get right.**

**Anyways, I just wanted to share an Oz x Gilbert AMV I've made (re-uploaded with 'Finally' in mind)…. I don't make many Pandora Hearts AMVs, I usually stick to Kuroshitsuji… but I would very much appreciate it, if any of you would check out the link at the bottom! :D... But it's okay if you're not interested, too... :)**

**But enough about me... **

**...**

**...**

**……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..**

"I don't think I'll let you let me go…" Raven heard Oz's quiet voice joke in between breaths.

He loved the way Oz's voice sounded when he was breathing hard.

He couldn't help a smile when he finally thought about the words…

He really hoped Oz meant them.

He had never hoped that words could be true as much as he did those.

Raven pulled Oz's face to his again, their lips meeting … another miracle.

The kiss was gentle at first… they barely touched… their lips softly grazing back and forth, feeling the suspense that electrified their nerves.

He could feel Oz's fingers tug at his shirt again, trying to bring him in closer.

Raven had only been waiting for permission.

Their lips met in a real kiss… Raven still hadn't gotten used to how soft his lips were, how they pressed against his with such fragility… his heart thumped warmly every time he touched them.

He curled his arms around Oz's smaller frame tightly, crouching down further to make it easier for Oz to reach him… Raven was still unsatisfied with how close they were… He wanted more…

His hands explored the surface of Oz's thin dress shirt, feeling his form like he had always wanted to, as much as he wanted.

He really couldn't believe he was here, touching Oz like this, kissing him like this… after so many years of believing it was impossible, believing it was a lost cause, _knowing _it was never going to happen… it was almost too much happiness to bare, but not enough at the same time.

The way his hands were able to freely graze Oz's back, shoulders, waist, chest… it was almost too much for his hands to feel, but not enough… everything was too much, but he still wanted more… he had never wanted more of something, than he did of Oz right now.

His heart felt like it was suffocating with the happiness, his skin felt hot and cold at the same time.

He could hear Oz's breathing grow a little harder, he kept trying to break the kiss… probably starving for air… Raven only felt a little out of breath, but his lungs were probably bigger.

Oz finally managed to snatch his lips away from Raven with a gasp that sent shivers down Raven's spine.

He loved that sound more than he knew he should.

Raven already felt like he needed something more to make up for the lost contact.

He let his left hand slide around from Oz's back, around his waist, to his stomach. His open hand brushed up Oz's chest, pressing hard, the fabric bunched up at the tip of his fingers.

"Gil!…"

His voice, breathing hard, weak, calling his name… there were too many things about that voice that was pushing him over the edge.

…………………………………………………………………………..............................................................…

His kiss was suddenly a lot deeper…

I really wasn't used to this, this amount of…

…

… passion…

…

I had only ever kissed a few times before, but it was never like this.

His lips moved faster than before…harder… it was so difficult trying to keep up.

He was really tall… I never really noticed how much taller he was…. He's grown so much in ten years… I had almost forgotten…

It was kind of difficult to keep my lips on his without standing on my toes a little.

I felt so small... but I didn't care, with his arms around me.... nothing else mattered.

I felt his hands feel across my back like he was searching for something, like he wanted more of me, to feel everything he could. Just that thought alone made my heart pound strangely, but to actually feel his fingers brush across my back, searching for more of me, made my entire body feel weaker.

My breathing was getting really loud… it was kind of embarrassing.

I really wasn't used to this….

I tried to break away from his lips, but whenever they found mine after only a split-second of catching my breath, I didn't really want to break away again.

The way his lips were pressing even harder, the way he pulled me even closer against his body, the way his hands were sliding over my shirt like he was trying to feel my skin through it… it all felt really…

…

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think… I didn't really know what was going on… I felt…

...frenzied…

I didn't know why… but there was a small part of me that really wanted more, like I wanted to feel more of him, wanted him to feel more of me, while the larger part of me was still trying to figure out what all these other feelings meant.

His lips moved in ways I couldn't follow.

He was so close to me. He was really warm. His hands were hot. My heart was pounding. My lungs were aching.

I couldn't breathe!

I pulled away from him, gasping for air, practically panting.

This was getting really embarrassing now… the way I felt…

… it was really… new.

I felt his large, searing hand curve around my side, onto my stomach.

My body immediately felt heavier and warmer when his hand started sliding up the center of my chest. He was pressing a little hard, his other hand was planted on my back, pulling me closer… He was pushing against me from both sides... It felt like he was surroudning me... I felt like I was going to fall to the ground under the weight of his touch, under the weight of my heart.

My knees started shaking… so embarrassing.

I felt my shirt being tugged out from my belt as he kept pressing the fabric upward.

"Gil!...."

I really needed to get his attention, but my voice wasn't working right.

I really couldn't do this anymore…. It felt really weird… _I_ felt really weird.

I pulled on his shirt a little, trying again for his attention.

It didn't work… His hand only crept along my chest further, making my knees shake a little harder.

I closed my eyes tightly.

I felt like I wouldn't be able to breathe or stand anymore if he kept touching me… if he kept making my heart beat this fast, it wouldn't be able to go back to normal… I felt like I should be sweating, everything was so hot…

I felt his lips pressed against the side of my jaw.

"Gil…" I could only call his name again, even weaker than before…

As if he was reacting to how weak my voice was, his hand suddenly started pressing harder, slower against my chest, his fingers rubbing along my chest like he was feeling for even more details… I hoped he couldn't feel how hard my heart was thumping.

My chin was resting on his shoulder, the fabric of his shirt rubbed against my chin every time I took a breath… I could feel the skin on my chin turn pink when I suddenly needed a lot more oxygen as his hand passed over the area under my collarbone.

The way his hand was rising, the intensity was rising with it… like a thermometer pushing the temperature up, instead of the other way around, with the same force as the gravity that was trying to push me down… almost the same way Gil's hands were pushing both sides of me in a loving vice.

I couldn't stand this anymore… it was too much… I was a little scared of where I was being pushed… it was too much…

"Gil…bert… s-stop…" I shuddered against him. The way my voice sounded… so weak, so desperate… it really bugged me.

Then in a flash, his hands were gone, his arms were gone, his shoulder wasn't rubbing against my chin anymore…

I could finally get some air… but my knees felt heavier than ever, weaker than ever… I really couldn't stand straight…. Or think straight…

I still hung onto him, trying to get some air for my oxygen-starved lungs.

I had no idea Gil was like this…

I had no idea he could be so…

…

Then again, I never really thought about it before…

... after all I had only begun to feel this way for Gilbert... I hadn't paid so much attention to the physical part of all this...

"Oz…." He said my name… he sounded a little… scared.

I really didn't like it when he was like that.

I suddenly felt guilty for worrying him… especially since he didn't even do anything wrong… he didn't even do much… I was the one who was too weak for this kind of stuff.

…

… _I'm such a kid…_

…

My fingers clenched the fabric of his shirt, my hands felt really hot, I hadn't let go of his shirt in minutes.

The rest of my body felt really cold now… now that his arms weren't around me anymore.

"It's okay…" I spoke up when I finally felt like I wouldn't say it with that humiliating voice I had to use a few minutes ago.

"No, it isn't…" He said seriously. Still not touching me. "I went too far…" I saw his arms flinch, like he wanted to reach for me, but stopped himself. "Even though we've only just settled things… I got carried away…." His voice…. I didn't like the way it sounded guilty.

I didn't like the way he wasn't touching me anymore.

"It's fine… I just need to… get used to some things first." I tried to take away some of his blame… but knowing Gil, he wouldn't listen to me if I tried to make things my fault…

"I think you should go get some rest…"

His hands finally touched me again, but he was only prying my hands off of his, now wrinkled, shirt.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow… after we've both calmed down…"

And like that, his defensive, self-depreciative walls were set up again…

Somehow, I could tell he wasn't really planning on talking to me tomorrow...

He let go of my hands… my legs still felt a little insecure.

"Gil…" I called his name. I really didn't want to leave him like this… he'd only stew things over in his mind and get worse.

I looked up at him, still trying to accept exactly what we were talking about.

… I would have never thought before a few days ago that Gil and I would ever talk about _this_….

Suddenly his left hand found the back of my head, pulling me against his chest.

"Don't worry…" His tone changed a little… he sounded a little better.

I was almost fooled by it, until I heard him whisper the rest of the sentence…

"…I'll try harder not to scare you like that again…Oz…"

His voice rumbled softly against the side of my face.

I didn't know what to say.

What could I say?!

I wanted to tell him I wasn't scared, that I was fine with what had just happened…. But I couldn't…

The way it felt…

…

His hand left the back of my head, brushed down to my back, reminding me of how he was holding me only a few minutes earlier… his fingers curled around my arm gently.

I barely noticed that he was guiding me towards the door.

There was something about this moment that shook me…

The way he knew that the only way I'd leave now was if he made me… he knew that I wanted to stay with him, to talk him out of this guilt he was feeling… but he didn't want me to… as if he wanted that guilt.

… Why?!...

Why would he do this to himself?!

Why wouldn't he _want_ me to talk him out of blaming himself?!

_Argh!_

This was really too much for my exhausted, and recently oxygen-deprived, brain to handle right now…

He opened the door slowly, turning back to me…

The way his golden eyes were looking down at me… there were so many emotions in his eyes.

Worry. Care. Hope. Guilt. Regret.

I didn't get a chance to say anything before his lips fell on mine again, but barely touching me, just for a spare second before he pulled away.

"Good night…" He finished with a fake warmth.

For a spare moment I wanted to hit him... the way he wsa acting like this wasn't important, when we both knew that it was.

... He's really too protective sometimes... but something was different about him right now....

He had always treated me kindly, almost exultingly, but this was different… he was treating me like he had to take care of me…

But I felt like the one with the obligation to him!

But I couldn't do anything for him right now.

Not when he was making that face that told me he wouldn't listen to anything I had to say… and especially when I had nothing _to_ say.

…

"G'night…" I responded, still feeling completely out of my element.

…

He closed the door behind me quietly.

…

I wanted to go back through that door and say something... but I couldn't figure out what I wanted to say... it felt as if I forgot something I needed to tell him...

....

I started walking to my own room… but I had to stop half-way there.

My brain was suddenly rushed with all these thoughts, emotions, wants, worries, feelings…

Everything was so complicated now!

And right after we managed to settle everything out, _I_ had to do _that_!

I immediately started stomping to my bedroom, rushing through the door and collapsing onto my bed with a heavy heave.

Even though I feel like this… even though I finally feel for Gilbert like this… I couldn't handle the way he was touching me, yet…

I hadn't felt anything like it before.

…

But Gilbert must have…

_He had ten years to meet someone, to get close to them, to touch them… he's probably really used to doing more-…_

I couldn't really finish that thought… it bugged me too much.

But it was probably true.

Gil's had ten years more experience in this stuff than I did. He's a full-grown man now… and I…

"Ugh!" I threw my face onto a pillow.

I was acting like such a kid!

First getting all freaked out, now thinking about this stuff, getting upset at the idea that Gil must've touched someone else before me.

_I really just need to calm down…_

I pulled out my pocket watch, clicked it open… that melody always washed away my worries before… but it wasn't working right now….

I grumbled into my pillow... my lips still feeling a little numb from Gilbert's fast-paced kiss...

...

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_I'm such an idiot…_

He slumped down onto his bed, sitting on the edge, running his hands through his raven hair, aggravated.

_Why did I do that?_

_Why couldn't I stop myself?_

_I knew he was getting uncomfortable… he wanted me to stop… but I…_

_But I did… right before I really got serious…_

He fell back, his back landing on the bedspread with a muffled _fwup_…

_I've probably scared him away for a week now._

…

At that thought Raven had to smirk wistfully at the irony of this situation.

That conversation had started with Raven's intentions of separating himself from Oz…. and now, after he's fallen deeper into this relationship, he's created even more distance between them, succeeding in his previous plan without wanting to.

…

_There's always a price for happiness…_

He stared up at the ceiling, guilt eating away at him…

….

_I almost forgot that for a moment…_

_When he was in my arms…_

…

**…………………_._**

"Oi! Seaweed-head!"

Raven's attention was immediately snapped away from his thoughts as the stupid-rabbit suddenly punched the side of his arm while calling him by that disdainful nickname.

Suddenly all the voices and woots and laughs came flooding back to Raven's ears, all the other festival-goers were having too much fun with the games and challenges to even notice the, currently brooding, young man who was being harassed by the substantially shorter, fiery-tempered, chain.

"What?" Raven asked back harshly, hoping the bite in his voice would affect her.

Alice didn't lose a bit of her attitude.

"Give me money." She reached out an open palm sharply, her other hand on her hip, expecting payment immediately.

"Ha?" He asked towards her hand.

"I want to buy food." She snorted haughtily.

"We had lunch at the mansion, you can't be thinking of eating again." Raven tried to reason to her, she didn't even flinch. Her hand only waved in the air a little.

He definitely wasn't in the mood to fight off any stupid-rabbits right now.

He dug into his pocket harshly.

"How much?" He asked, his voice strained.

"Ten." She ordered, not showing any gratitude.

"Pay me back later." He shoved the money in her hand, she gripped the paper hastily and started stomping away as if she was the queen of this festival.

"Are you an idiot?" She called back, turning down his order flatly, before running off.

_'Idiot'?...._

That struck a recently injured nerve… He seriously considered running after her and taking her food money back, which would severely annoy her.

But he was distracted by something. Golden hair.

He thought for a moment... that he saw a golden-haired boy walk by....

…

Raven suddenly wondered whether Oz was enjoying himself or not, wherever he was… or if he was thinking about last night, too.

……………………………………………………………........................................…………………………………………………

I couldn't stop thinking about last night…

Or, moreover… Gilbert.

I followed behind the light-footed Break, the calmly observant Sharon-chan, and Uncle Oscar, who seemed to be having a grand time drinking and talking about the past festivals in this area.

I really wanted to join Uncle Oscar, Sharon, and even Break… to talk with them… to have fun…. But I really couldn't think about anything other than the fact that Gilbert wasn't here.

We had separated into three groups (according to Break's orders, who said it would triple the experiences and fun, but I think he just wanted time with Sharon-chan), Uncle Oscar and I found Break and Sharon again, so we've just been kind of walking with them for a while.

I looked across the street at the booths, they were selling glassworks, fans, jewelry, paintings, books, bags, watches… I really couldn't find any curiosity in any of it right now, like I normally would.

I wanted to go find Gil.

We didn't talk this morning… he didn't even look at me.

He was completely avoiding me.

I couldn't tell if he was only feeling guilty, or weird, or if he was actually trying to stay away from me… so that he could… 'let me go'…

… My heart dropped uncomfortably at that thought…

…

_No!_

_I really can't think about this!_

I wanted to groan with aggravation, but that would've confused everyone.

But I just couldn't handle all this.

We've gone through so much emotional turmoil, and to finally get this close… it all seemed so surreal… but he was still trying to back away even though he's probably felt this way for longer than I have!

He kept thinking that I wanted to leave him… he kept second-guessing everything… and when I pushed him away last night... it must have really hurt him.

I looked down to my feet…

_Doesn't he know how I feel for him!?_

…

That thought struck me…

I never did tell him did I?... That I…

...

… I had just kind of assumed that he'd understand my feelings even if I didn't tell him…

_Maybe I should-_

"Hey, Oz, my boy!" I felt an incredibly heavy arm drop around my shoulders. I could suddenly smell Uncle Oscar's rich cologne almost burn my nostrils. It brought back memories… Gilbert and I running through the mansion, Ada following us, as we played a game or ran from the tutors…

I was interrupted from my memories when Oscar's booming voice suddenly called my attention again.

"I have a surprise for you!" He shouted merrily, attracting attention from the people passing us in the street.

It was hard to ignore Uncle Oscar when he was in this sort of outgoing mood. "It's something that every young man must accomplish at each festival!"

I looked up to Uncle Oscar questioningly, not really appreciating the cryptic-ness of his sudden announcement.

I really wasn't feeling up for any 'surprises' right now.

After a few minutes of fast-paced walking, Oscar suddenly pushed me into a line leading up to a single, overly-decorated booth.

"What is thi-" I was about to ask, but then I noticed the giant, gawdy sign at the very beginning of this line:

'~Kissing Booth~'

"What?!"

......

……………………………………………………...................................................…………………

"What?!"

"What do you mean 'What?!'?!" Alice asked up to Raven, who had just managed to track her down again after seeing her sign an entry waver, with an annoyed voice.

"You can't use the money I gave you to enter an eating contest!" Raven ordered down to her.

She immediately walked away from him, going up the raised stage, where the eating contest was going to take place in only another few minutes. Butchers and chefs were already placing large platters of sausages and steaks onto each table.

She climbed up the stairs, now a good three feet taller than Raven. She sat down, legs and arms crossed.

"I WILL participate in this challenge and I WILL show these lowly mortals exactly what the B-Rabbit is capable of!!!!" And at that she started laughing with a haughty air, throwing her head back with every guffaw.

Raven stood by, looking up at Alice, his eyes half-closed in an annoyed grimace… he interrupted her laughter after a few seconds.

"If you lose, you better not beat anybody up!" He threatened her. He couldn't take her out of the competition since she's already paid… but he definitely didn't want to deal with her antics if she didn't win.

"I WON'T LOSE, STUPID SEAWEED-HEAD!" She shouted back down at him, standing up pointing down at him as a queen would at a misbehaving jester.

"DAMN RABBIT!" He shouted back.

People started to stare.

Raven didn't care, he quickly started walking away from the stage, the irritation buzzing through his head… until he heard something.

"What?!"

That voice… he'd been thinking about it all morning and afternoon.

He immediately forgot the stupid-rabbit, who was already sitting at her assigned table as the announcer was introducing the competitors, and started scanning the street for the emerald-eyed boy who sounded rather confused right now.

"It's a tradition! When I was a young man I would always make sure to visit this booth!" That was Lord Oscar's voice!

"How could this count as a 'tradition'?" That voice again.

Raven ran through the crowd, finally spotting the very tall Lord Oscar… it only took a moment for Raven to find Oz, who was almost completely overshadowed by the taller boys in the quickly shortening line.

"Oz!" He called out, running over to the two.

"Gil!" Oz's voice was drowned out, "GILBERT!"

Lord Oscar usually didn't control his volume when he was having fun.

"Uh, good afternoon, Lord Oscar." Raven suddenly tried to calm himself, feeling a little foolish for running up to them that urgently… but he just wanted to see how Oz was doing.

"What's with the formalities, you're so cold." Oscar whined a little.

Raven laughed a few fake chuckles, glancing over to Oz for a spare moment… Oz was only looking down to his feet.

_Of course… he still doesn't want to see me…_

Raven could feel that guilt wash over his insides before Oscar suddenly spoke up.

"Explain to Oz here how this is a helpful tradition!" Oscar raised his hand to point out the shortening line, and the sign next to the booth it led to.

'~Kissing Booth~'

Raven froze immediately.

…_. God, the memories…_

Raven immediately wanted to snatch Oz's arm and run before Oz could reach the front of the line, or before Lord Oscar could open his mouth again.

"Don't you remember those years I made you get in line, too?" Oscar said the exact thing Raven had hoped he wasn't going to say.

Raven could see Oz flinch in the corner of his eye.

"Uh… yes, sir…" Raven responded awkwardly.

"Didn't it help you out in the future?" Oscar asked a completely ridiculous question, having way too much fun, knowing it was a ridiculous question. "You're probably an expert by now!" Oscar announced loudly.

"What?!" Raven suddenly went pale.

"He's just being modest..." Oscar laughed back to Oz, who couldn't quite fake a smile.

There was a sudden cheering that could be heard from across the street.

Raven looked towards the cheering, already feeling so scattered by all of the silent drama occurring in that moment.

The eating-contest stage was surrounded by people who were rooting and cheering. Raven could clearly make out a ravenous Alice tearing her way through the large piles of broiled, fried, and barbecued meat.

He envied her distance from this scene for a moment.

"Hey, did you wanna give it another shot this year, Gilbert-kun?" Lord Oscar was relentless.

"Uh, no-I don't-"

"Nonsense, of course you do!"

And with that, Raven was shoved into the line behind Oz…. Now that Oscar had his mind made up on this, he wasn't going to let him or Oz leave.

The boys behind them grumbled after they saw Raven cut in line.

Gilbert shot a glance back at them, trying to look apologetic… none of them seemed forgiving, but they did seem a bit afraid… Raven almost forgot how intimidating he could look…. And now, when his face was probably contorted by stress and annoyance, he must not be making a polite expression.

He quickly looked away from the boys, and the few men among them, and looked ahead of himself.

Oscar was hovering next to the line, but staring across the street to the eating competitors. Raven could hear him cheer Alice on a little.

Raven looked down to the boy in front of him.

Oz was facing straight ahead of them, not even peeking back to Raven.

Like he didn't want to talk to him... like _he _was the one who was doing the avoiding now.

Raven really wanted to do something… to say something... to get his attention… to fix whatever this problem was…

He could feel his hands ache to reach out, to feel Oz's shoulders, to touch his hair, his lips, his chest…

_God, these were the kind of thoughts that got me into this mess!_

_I really have to calm down… for Oz's sake… I have to go back to being a servant for a little while longer…_

_I can still be with him, but I can't let myself reach out…_

_I have to stop myself from touching him for just a while longer…_

_I could wait ten years without even seeing him… I can wait three before feeling him._

_He might technically be my age... but those ten years seemed like mere days for him... so he's not really 25 at heart is he?_

_He's still 15...?_

_... is it really okay for me to be with him at all?_

…

_Argh, I really shouldn't even be worrying about this right now!!!_

Raven suddenly snapped back to his senses as he realized that the line was suddenly so much more shorter than he thought it was.

There were only two boys ahead of Oz.

A very pretty girl was behind the counter, giving out kisses without even seeming to mind. Raven knew he was probably just being sensitive, but he really couldn't imagine ever being so unaffected by kissing dozens of strangers in a single day.

But he didn't have time to think about that either!!… He could feel his nerves fire and spark the closer Oz got to the front counter, Oz didn't seem that disturbed, or at least the back of his head didn't…

Raven could feel the acid churning in his stomach.

He really didn't want anyone else to feel how soft Oz's lips were… he really didn't want anyone else to touch him.

There was a sudden roaring of cheers and boos coming from the eating-contest stage, Raven looked over at the commotion, as did Oscar… but he couldn't quite catch what was going on when he suddenly heard the sickly-sweet voice of the girl suddenly speak up from in front of him.

"Oh, what a cute boy!" She complimented Raven's master unabashedly.

_Don't say stuff like that!_

_Don't look at him like that!_

Raven could feel a twinge of jealousy flash through him. His fist clenched.

He really didn't like the way she was eyeing Oz like he was a shiny toy she could play with for a few seconds....

"Do you want soft or French?" She cooed down to him.

_WHAT'S WITH THE SPECIAL TREATMENT?!_

"What're those?" Oz asked up to the girl, his voice completely innocent.

…

Everything in Raven's mind went silent for a second.

_Do you really not know, Oz?!_

Raven could almost feel the guilt crawl across his skin when he thought back to he was thinking about doing with Oz last night, when Oz didn't even know the basics of kissing.

…

That was until he heard two very important things at once.

"Kya, you're so cute!" The pretty girl exclaimed to herself, apparently even more excited about kissing Oz because he was so innocent.  
"That girl's going crazy!" Raven heard a random voice from the contest-watching crowd speak up in urgency.

He knew that if Alice was indeed the girl that was going 'crazy' that he should really make his way over there and stop her.... but he couldn't do that right now, not when he could see the girl slowly lean over to Oz from the corner of his eye.

Raven immediately turned back to Oz and the girl, with a new plan.

He knew this was immature, but when he saw that girl lean even farther over the counter to reach an unmoving Oz, he couldn't help himself.

………………………………………………………………………………

…_**.**_

…_**..**_

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**Not much of a cliffhanger…lol…. But here's the link (there's a few spaces in the URL so that FanFiction will let me post it):**

http :// www. youtube .com / watch?v=XqA6qfX1m74

**Thanks for reading, and if you followed the link, thank you very much for doing so!! :D**


	6. Pull

**Chapter 6!**

**Title:** "_Pull"_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!**

**Note****:… Okay… there's no excuse for being so embarrassingly late with this update (except writer's block and laziness… x.x… [My most extreme and sincerest apologies to 'Nekkun'!!... I hope you haven't lost faith in this story just yet!])… but I really hope you enjoy this chapter despite the lateness of it....**

…………………………………………………………………………..

She was getting really close.

I still hadn't decided if I even wanted to kiss her.

I know I was in line for that very reason… but I definitely wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for Uncle Oscar.

And I definitely wouldn't feel like the back of my neck was on fire, wondering if the man behind me was thinking about me or the girl in front of me.

Did he even care that this girl was getting really close to me?

Why did I care so much about that?

And why did I care that he had done this previous festivals?

The roaring from across the street turned into white noise as everything suddenly seemed to be moving so slowly, but too fast at the same time.

I closed my eyes, not really wanting to see what was happening.

And then that was when something changed.

I felt a sudden tug on the back of my collar.

A hand landed on my forehead.

A moment of silence passed until I saw what exactly just happened, and all hell broke loose.

I couldn't see clearly.

I felt familiar fingers covering my eyes.

But I could definitely see that the girl in front of the counter was still leaning over, but she wasn't facing me anymore… her lips were locked with the owner of this hand across my eyes.

Everything finally registered after a second.

_What the hell!?_

"Gi-!" I was interrupted by the yells and crashing from across the street.

"She's really going crazy!!!" Several people yelled the same sentence at different times as they ran from the area, some of the others actually seemed to gather and holler cheers like they were watching a fight.

I could hear what I recognized as Alice's voice yelling and shouting… tables and chairs splintering.

Then suddenly, there was a raining of meat from the sky.

_What the hell is going on?!_

The hand suddenly disappeared from my vision.

The girl was backing away from the counter, looking over across the street with an entertained expression at whatever havoc was occurring over there.

I couldn't make sense of anything.

And then a familiar sensation came over me.

I was suddenly being dragged backward when I didn't expect it… this had happened to me not to long ago… and the hand that was curled around mine was the same one as before, too.

I turned around as soon as I could process everything, barely catching a glimpse of the masses of people surrounding the stage, Uncle Oscar running over to the crowd, cheering, too.

And then it was all gone.

We had turned a corner, I could only see a dark brick wall.

I looked down to the hand around mine, trying to really think about what was going on, but my brain wouldn't work right when Gil was touching me.

After last night, I was so aware of the way his hands felt on me.

I didn't really notice it when we had turned another corner… but it was really dark now.

My eyes finally registered from the different light levels as I was trying to catch my breath.

… It was one of the back streets. Nobody was around, and the buildings were so tall that the shadows covered the entire street.

We were really far from the festival now. I could only hear a few rumbling cheers over whatever that crowd was freaking out about.

Then I noticed a closer sound, right next to me.

He was breathing deeply, too, leaning against the wall, staring upward.

All I could so was look at him for a second.

…

Was it strange to think he could actually be beautiful sometimes?

… Probably.

But I _knew_ it was probably _really_ strange to suddenly feel some sort of… pride… about the fact that _he _was my…

…

When his eyes looked down and over to me I realized that I had been staring.

I almost looked away until I immediately had to start laughing.

"Oz?..." He called my name quietly, evidently clueless.

I pointed my finger at his hat, my index finger raising higher and higher as I was suddenly sliding against the wall towards the ground.

It probably wasn't a good idea to laugh so hard after running so hard.

But I just found it so hilarious.

I had spent a moment actually appreciating how handsome he was, not knowing just how ridiculous he looked with that piece of sliced ham hanging off of the rim of his hat.

……………………………………………………………………….

Raven followed Oz down to the ground, more than a little confused about what the boy was laughing at, but when Oz pointed towards Raven's hat, sliding down the wall weakly, it didn't take him long to see what was so funny.

Raven picked off the slice of ham as quickly as he could, throwing it to the ground with a single _flap_.

He almost joined Oz in the laughter ...

……………………………………………………………………..

"How did this happen?" I finally found my words, feeling a little bad for ruining whatever the moment was before I start busting up in inappropriate laughter.

He smiled at me for a second before he sat down, leaning up against the wall, next to me.

I had to take another breath after seeing that smile.

The way he smiled… it wasn't a normal one… well, thinking about it, I don't think Gilbert had a 'normal' smile, but I knew it wasn't a smile he would give to anyone else.

It was like it belonged to me.

His voice woke me from the quiet happiness of that moment.

"I was just letting a certain stupid-rabbit blow off some steam." He explained simply, still looking me in the eye.

I reached up to my forehead, suddenly remembering the recent feeling of his hand on it as he pulled me away from that counter.

… That must've been when he…

"So you did that so I wouldn't…" I trailed off as it was suddenly a little difficult to keep my eyes on his… that is until I remembered something else about what happened at that booth.

His lips… on hers…

"But why'd you- with her-" I spoke up a little urgently.

"I didn't want to!" He said loudly, hurriedly wiping his mouth on his sleeve determinedly.

I had to chuckle at his reaction… it reminded me a lot of how he used to act.

I suddenly didn't care about what happened at that booth anymore.

"You're such a kid," I joked just like I used to, back when I was actually a year older than him, trying to lighten things up.

I suddenly noticed he wasn't smiling anymore.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

"You're such a kid…"

Oz said those words just like he always used to, but now those words meant something different to Raven.

Raven was forced to think about how much he _wasn't_ a kid anymore…. How innocent Oz was compared to him.

… _He's still only 15… he hasn't had the time I've had to grow up yet….doing this now… it can't be good for him._

"Oz… " Raven started a conversation he knew wouldn't leave this relationship unscathed. "… about last night…"

"Meow?"

Cold shivers ran down his spine he heard that sickly noise.

"Did you say something?" He asked a perplexed Oz, hoping that the boy had just, for some reason, decided to play around with animal sounds.

"No…" Oz said carefully, suddenly eyeing something to Raven's right.

…. Raven turned very slowly in that direction, preparing himself.

But right when he thought he was ready, there it was. A pointy-eared little demon smiling up at him mischievously the slice of ham hanging from its pointy jaws.

His entire body froze in a slow creeping terror.

………………………………………………………………………………..

I could literally see his eyes glaze over as he suddenly stopped everything he was doing, including finishing that ominous sentence he had started…

It was probably wrong of me to be grateful for his fear of cats (or to actually think it was kind of cute)… but I really didn't want him to start the conversation I knew he was about to.

That conversation where he'd endlessly blame himself for something that wasn't his fault... a conversation that would only be one-sided since he never listens to me when I try to ease his guilt.

I picked myself off of the ground slowly.

"Nya..." The little gray kitten mewed up at me as I walked over to it.

It chewed on the little piece of ham happily as I picked it up for a moment. I was really very cute… but to him, this little thing was a demon capable of horrible deeds.

I let it go, giving it a nudge in the opposite direction with the tip of my boot.

I slowly turned back to him, calling his name as I did.

"Gi-"

"There you two are." A sly, playful voice interrupted me.

"Break?" I heard Gil call up to the man who was leaning against the corner of the wall, staring at us with a slightly amused expression.

_How long had he been standing there?_

"A certain B-Rabbit has been creating a little too much excitement over at the festival." Break brought both of us back to reality. "It'd be best if we calmed her down now, before the police get involved… or maybe that'll just add to the fun." He remarked quietly to the little puppet on his shoulder which teetered from side to side with rickety giggles.

"I'll go take care of it now." Gilbert suddenly got to his feet, walking away farther from me.

"If you will." Break commented with his usual condescending tone. "But after you tame the rabbit, I'd like you to tell everyone to meet at the mansion for tea." Break added as politely as was possible for him.

"Yes…" Gilbert said gingerly before he turned the corner, disappearing.

Something wasn't right.

He was acting a little… off.

_I guess Break-san's sudden appearance threw him off... or maybe it was just the kitten..._

Inside I knew he was probably brooding about the conversation he didn't get to start just now.

I started to make my way towards the festival too, following Gil's trail, but I was stopped before I could get to the corner.

"Oz-kun." Break called over to me, waving his hand to me.

"Yes?" I took a step over to him. I hadn't had expected him to say anything to me.

We never really talked much, I think it was because he once said I 'wasn't much fun to play with'... but I didn't mind.

I walked over to him as he pushed himself away from the wall, still not facing me.

His hand landed on my shoulder delicately.

"I have something I need to speak with you about after I discuss our next plan to the group." He gave me a side-ways glance.

I felt my brows furrow with a little confusion.

"About what?" I asked simply.

Even though his request sounded a little ominous, it couldn't be anything _that_ bad, right?

"It's a secret." He raised a single finger to his lips, smiling an impish grin down at me for a moment. My previous hopes faltered with that suspicious response. "Now go and help our melancholy friend catch your bunny."

I couldn't say anything about that joking last sentence, or ask further about this 'secret' when he started to push me around the corner as he walked the other way.

I slowly picked up my pace, adopting my previous route to the festival.

_What was that about?_

_What would he want to talk to me about?_

_What 'secret'?_

My mind flashed to my recently created secret.

… Gil…

He and I… what we were now… _Did he know?_

_Is that what he wanted to talk about?_

_Did he see us?_

_Could he just tell?!_

_… And why was it a secret?_

_I guess since neither of us have told anyone else… and we've tried to hide our feelings from the others…. And every time we're _together_ we're always worried about somebody finding us… or was that just me?_

…

But most importantly…. Why was I hoping Break didn't know about us?

Why was the thought of him, or Sharon, or Alice, knowing about what was going on between Gil and I, a little scary?

…

Did I want to keep this a secret?

…

My mind was suddenly bombarded with too many questions, none of what has happened these past few days seemed real... and now, I was being forced to look at everything from everyone else's point of view...

... This relationship would look really strange to them...

.... wouldn't it?...

I ahook my head of that thought quickly. I really couldn't think about that right now.

… I just wanted to know one thing.

What was this 'secret' Break needed to talk to me about?

I almost thought about going back and asking him what was going on… but I was more interested in how Gilbert was doing.

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

He walked into the dining room a little slowly, trying not to care that everyone was staring at him.

He was the last one to show up for Break's awkwardly-scheduled 'tea-time'.

He looked up from his feet just for a moment, and instead of his eyes meeting Sharon's contented gaze, Alice's determined glare (she still hadn't forgiven him for breaking up her antics from that afternoon), or even Break's amused stare, Raven's eyes met the innocent, wide-eyed look of those emerald eyes that he had seen more of in the past few days than he used to.

Oz offered a weak, but still real, smile just as Raven took his seat at the long dining table.

Even though Raven had been feeling more than a little dejected about the fact that he had been interrupted so awkwardly from saying what he wanted to that afternoon… he was a little happy he hadn't said anything.

If they had had that conversation, Oz probably wouldn't even look at him anymore.

Raven felt his heart tighten a little at the thought.

… _If Oz did know about what I'm so worried about… it would just scare him even more, wouldn't it?_

But before he could carry those hurtful thoughts any further, he was interrupted.

"Well, now that everyone's here, I want to share what our next mission will be." Break announced abruptly, walking in from the balcony, calling Sharon's attention from her tea, Alice's attention from her endless loot of barbecue meat, and Gil and Oz's attention from each other.

"'Mission'?" Raven repeated Break's word-choice to himself a little quietly.

"That's right, Raven-kun, 'mission'… one that'll require the help of everyone." Break talked down to Raven as he walked over to the table.

"What do we get in return?" Alice grumbled through her chewing teeth… her mood was still sore.

Raven couldn't help but agree with her question, though.

"Well, Alice-kun, I'm not sure if you can hear me properly over the grinding of chicken bones between your teeth…" That snapped more of her attention to him as she half-scoffed/half-choked. "… but this mission has a lot to offer." He answered as vaguely as possible.

Raven found it even more difficult than usual to trust Break.

He was always at his worst when he was scheming things, especially when he kept those schemes a secret.

. . .

"So… what do we have to do?" Oz spoke up after the long moment of silence when nobody exactly knew what to do (except Break, who seemed to be having too much fun waving this little top-secret plan of his in front of everyone).

"I'm glad you asked, Oz-kun." Break was suddenly at full energy again as he reached into his breast-pocket right after he popped a hard candy into his mouth. "We have to find… this girl."

At that he placed a small, rusted locket necklace onto the table. Raven could tell right away that this trinket was really very old.

The little locket was already open.

Two tiny sketches were professionally pasted on the inside.

Raven, Oz, and Alice leaned over the tabletop to take a closer look as Sharon merely sipped at her tea… Raven wondered whether she already knew what was in the locket or not.

Of the two sketches, only one was clearly visible… it was a young girl, younger than Sharon looked… she was smiling brightly, adorned in an extravagant dress and expensive-looking jewelery.

"Who is she?" Oz asked after looking at the picture for a couple seconds.

Raven could swear he saw this sketch before… or a painting of it…. Somewhere…. Years ago.

"Lydia Sinclair." Break answered. But something was different.

Raven immediately understood from not only Break's drop in tone, but from the last name of this girl.

Break wasn't 'Break' right now… not when his eyes were still looking at the locket on the table with that expression… Break he was Kevin.

He could hear Sharon clear her throat a with a little warning form the end of the table… probably trying to get Break's attention away from whatever dark realms of the past it was wondering.

Raven quickly realized that this 'mission' wasn't going to go as smoothly as he had hoped... but he didn't know how much worse it was going to get with the role that Break was planning Oz to play in it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………


End file.
